You can’t tell me that you’ve never experienced severe penis envy while watching porn – even Trump has penis envy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a straight guy… but I found myself paying more attention to the dicks in the porn I was watching. I wasn’t ogling out of arousal; I was marveling at their sheer size and girth out of envy.
Life is hard for guys too. If you want to talk about unrealistic body standards, you should see what kind of penises most men wished were attached to us. Men suffer from unrealistic expectations too… however, the type that I’m talking about don’t come from the mainstream media, they come from the likes of Brazzers and other popular porn.
When I looked in my pants, I was unimpressed. When I got into bed with a girl, I was almost embarrassed to whip it out. I mean no girl ever complained about my dick – thank god I hook up with polite girls, I’m not sure if I could have handled any criticism about my penis – but I was always left worrying about my performance during pillow talk. Sure, she said it was “sooo big” but was she just being nice? Was she just repeating what they say in pornos? Was she laughing about me with her friends the next day? Me and my penis were not on good terms.
I starting thinking about how I could change my appearance… But how? There was no dick version of a boob-job was there? I mean this is what I was born with, and I was going to have to deal with it right? Well, I was wrong.
I started doing some research online to see if there was something I could do to grow my dick. If only I could treat it like a houseplant or a goldfish, those things are easy enough to grow… why couldn’t my dick?
Via my internet searching, I found an entire community of men who were dedicated to growing their dick. I took some of their advice, and I ignored a lot of it. Some guys swore by the pills that are usually advertised in banners on porn sites, other guys used stretching and stroking techniques, some guys used pumps, there were endless solutions they swore by.
But every strategy came with a cautionary tale or two. Guys almost died from taking the sketchy pills. Some guys destroyed the blood vessels in their dick by stretching and stroking. And some can’t even get a boner anymore. I was determined to get a bigger dick without losing it all together.
So, I tried the safe stuff: cock rings and pumps (but never for too long), I lost weight (to reveal whatever amount of my shaft was hiding in my dad bod, and I hoped and prayed… But nothing made that big of a difference.
That’s when I came across a plastic surgeon’s webpage who offered penis enhancing surgery…
Doctor Richards was a world away from me in LA, but I was willing to make the trip if it meant I could having the monster cock that I always dreamed of.
His website said that not too long about there were no FDA approved surgeries for penis enlargement. The site mentioned some horror stories about guys who made the mistake of trusting a butcher in a lab coat with their favorite body part. But now there were safe techniques that plastic surgeons could use to make penises both girthier and longer.
I felt my whole world change in that instant. After corresponding with the doctor’s assistant for a week or so, I pulled the trigger. I made an appointment, booked a flight, and made a down payment on the surgery. A few weeks later I was on my way to getting a whole new dick!
The Penuma implant is the first FDA approved implant on the market that both increases the length and girth of the penis.
Before Penuma, penis enhancement was limited to cutting a ligament that holds your dick close to your body (this surgery can actually cause your dick to get shorter, ironic right?) to allow your penis to hang farther out of the body. This procedure was usually paired with fillers to increase girth. But these procedures didn’t guarantee any results.
Penuma costs around $13K and takes about 45 minutes to insert. It increases the overall size of the penis both during and without an erection. Sure it cost nearly as much as my car, and I wouldn’t be able to have sex for 6-ish weeks, but I was down.
I arranged for a friend drop me off and pick me up from the surgery center and booked the appointment.
The initial pain was not that bad. I was pretty loopy on pain pills for the first week. I mean they did poke around inside of my dick for about an hour, so they put me on the good stuff.
The first few weeks weren’t that bad, but as the weeks dragged on, I was really starting to miss sex…
Everything went smoothly throughout the healing process, and after those six weeks were up, my new dick was locked and (almost unbearably) loaded and ready to go.
So pre-Penuma I was around 5.5 inches with a boner. Okay, okay I know what you’re thinking… I wasn’t small! And you’re right I wasn’t that small, but I felt small. I blame porn for making me feel tiny, but it was an insecurity that I knew I had to do something about!
Anyway… so after the implant I’m about a whopping 8 inches. And I’m much more substantial than I was before! I’m girthy as hell.
Now, I know that when a girl says that it’s big that she isn’t joking!
If I had to do it all over again, Would I?
Yes. I would a million percent do it again. I know that a lot of people would say that I didn’t need it (which I probably didn’t) but do women need boob jobs? Or lipo? Does anyone really NEED plastic surgery beyond what might be medically necessary after an accident? No. But did it make me feel infinitely better about myself? Yes.
Sure, I’m a little broke now, but for me, the $13K was totally worth it.